I Like Rain

I like the kind of rain that lasts all day. I like the kind of rain that storms and blows and bangs so hard that it feels like the house is going to fall down. I like standing up to that rain; daring it to strike me; daring it to blow me over.

I like swings. I like to close my eyes and dare the sky to fly higher than me. I like to feel the wind across my face. I like the sound of the creaking metal as it gets in time with my heartbeat. I like swinging in the dark when there's no one around except me, and my experience is my own, shared by none.

I like loud music. I don't necessarily like music turned up loud though. I like music that wails. I like music that beats. I like music that pounds. I like music that doesn't resolve. I like music that makes me feel how I do when I'm swinging in the middle of a dark field with my eyes shut. I like music that you have to listen to a few times through just to get your brain around it. I like joyously happy music. I like strong music. I do not like pretty music in and of itself. If it's pretty as by-product, then it's okay. But to just be pretty; no I don't like that. I don't like dainty either.

I like composers like Holsinger and Ticheli and Dana Wilson. I like Enya. I like soundtracks a lot, because they convey various emotions. I like both programmatic music and absolute music. I like music where the singers are really singing; where the instruments are really going at it; where the performers are really conveying their emotions through their sounds and their voices. I like intensity. I like the intensity to be almost unending.

I feel that intensity like that gives others a taste of the maelstrom inside of me.

I like to sit in a hot car for as long as I can stand it; until every breath is a struggle; until I am covered in sweat. I like to stand in a cold wind until every extremity is frozen; daring the world to try to make me fall.

Sometimes, when I lean my head back, I feel like I'm in a dream, as if the world is standing on end and I am actually upside down and weightless.

I like taking showers in the dark. I like being able to feel and hear the water in ways that aren't possible with my eyes open.

I like to laugh. I like to hold my breath. I like to make loud blasting noises with my french horn. I like to be hugged. I like to hug. I like to curl up in a nest of blankets and read book after book. I like being told to relax. I like relaxing. I like having daydreams and not telling anyone about them. I like strong silence. I like to talk. I like to scratch itches. I like to salt and vinegar potato chips, but only the Lance: Thunder Chips kind. I like to drive. I like driving in scary situations occasionally. I like emotionally charged films. I like being horizontal. I like roller coasters. I like the idea of parallel universes. I like to write. I like to make things work. I like to come up with ways for things to work. I like to have order. I like to have chaos. I like to think. I like to be.