Vomited From Time's Belly

James Axler's Deathlands series literally gave me nightmares every time that I read the books before bed.

For those of you who don't know about this series-and I trust that many of you don't, since I got acquainted with him only via a used bookstore-his series are based in a future gone wrong, post-nuclear holocaust. The name, "Deathlands," is what the people of his now call America. And as you read the series, you understand why they call it Deathlands . . . It's not as if I've read a very many of them or anything; I've only read 7 of them (Dectra Chain, Red Equinox, NorthStar Rising, Genesis Echo, Shadowfall, Ground Zero, and Emerald Fire); but they've all stuck in my memory for many years now.

I remember one dream in particular. It wasn't very complex; it just consisted of a house and a man and a child. They were taking shelter there during a rainstorm; so no big deal, right? Only, in the dream, since it was an acid rainstorm, the acid began to eat away the roof; and then it started dripping into the house, burning all that it came in contact with.

It freaked me out. A lot. I had that dream in high school, but I still remember it completely--or, at least I still completely remember the fear associated with it.

So did I stop reading the books? No. I just stopped reading them at night.

I also had this very complex dream where mentally retarded adults had been taken in and used as slaves by the barons of the local castle (don't ask, I don't know where I got this dream from). The dream went on for a while, detailing the fact that they had a lottery which they all would partake in every week (and it had something to do with destroying the environment). I dreamed that either I was living at the castle or that I was merely visiting, I can't remember. What I do remember in clear detail was the end of the dream. The river of acid that the barons had contributed to for so long had changed course and was headed towards the castle (along with an angry mob). And I was trying to get out of the castle, but I had to go downstairs to rescue someone first . . . and that's when the river got there, and I found myself floating on a table through a burning river. Then, luckily, my alarm clock went off.

On a slightly different note, another facet of the storyline was an old guy named Doc Tanner. He was plucked from his own time in the 19th century by the scientists in the late 20th century (briefly before the end of all things). They call it "time trawling." However, he made such a nuisance of himself that he was trawled forwards again into the Deathlands time frame.

So that has always set me thinking (usually late at night) about what would happen if one day, you were just minding your own business and you were just plucked out of your time and thrown into another?

And (it gets worse), what if you weren't thrown forwards, but rather backwards? Therefore, every time I have this thought, I always take a mental tally of everything that I have with me; everything that I would be able to use back then or what I would find myself needing.

I suppose that it's like the same sort of thing you would ask yourself if you found yourself on a deserted island, like in Cast Away or Lord of the Flies.

Usually, when I have these thoughts, it's because I'm carrying the least amount of things with me. You see, I'm one of those people who always has stuff with them. I was worse in college, but nowadays, whenever I'm out, I always carry a backpack/purse containing a water bottle, some kind of food, a cd player, a book, my wallet & checkbook, a pencil/pen, inhaler, umbrella, tylenol and heartburn medication. It just makes me feel safer.

But, as I said earlier, I always have these thoughts at night, when I'm carrying very little with me. For instance, right now I am shoeless, wearing torn shorts and a t-shirt with Merlin on the front. I have my hair in a ponytail (okay, so one hair tie); I'm wearing two rings-a silver one and a mood ring; I'm wearing a watch w/ lousy indiglo (only lights up the numbers, not the hands); I'm wearing a silver necklace with a purple stone (which may or may not be fake); I'm wearing my glasses (which I will probably need a new prescription for the next 3 years or less); and I have a tube of halfway used chapstick. Oh yes, I'm doing great. I'm also wearing underwear (tops and bottoms, thankyouverymuch).

Okay, well at least I'm dressed, right? Sort of? Well, in addition to what I've mentioned, let me also mention everything else that I also have that is definitely not an asset. I have asthma, an anxiety disorder (accompanied by tachycardia), heartburn, horrendous monthly cramps, IBS, lower back problems, joint problems (I'm double-jointed in every joint, which creates joint problems), periodic sinus headaches, lactose intolerance, chronic depression, teeth problems (I've already had two crowns and one root canal and I'm not even 23 yet), bladder problems (small bladder type, howdy), vertigo . . . um hi?

So if I were to be thrown into the past, or if I were to find myself adrift on a desolate island, then I think I would just say fine and go and kick it. The idea freaks me out, much like those dreams always freaked me out.

Maybe I'll write a book about it someday.